Nope, not fast and furious – retards in riceburners. I was watching a show today on these little Honda’s and Mitsi’s and how they’re “sweeping the nation”. Ever since that stupid ass movie came out, you have these dipshit kids with economy cars (yes, they’re fucking economy cars, OK?) that do three things to them and think they’re guided missles:

1) Put grotesquely oversized rims on the car – yeah, let’s spend $2,500.00 on some 21″ rims, then another $2,500.00 on the tires for said rims. This will equal approximately 500 times what the car is actually worth. Nice job, stupid. That’s like putting gold rims on a rusted out ’76 Nova.

2) A wing on the back – oh sure, we need that wing that sits three feet off the back end of a car that can hit a whopping 120 mph after flooring it for 5 minutes on a straight highway with the wind behind it. Your fucking car doesn’t go fast enough to require the drag a wing produces. I’m no expert at aerodynamics, but it doesn’t take much common sense to realize this. Oh wait, we’re talking about people who think economy cars are the fastest thing on the road.

3) A chrome muffler with a 4″ (or more) diameter tip – yes, this is the perfect addition to that 1.5″ exhaust you have running underneath the car you stupid cockeater. I saw a Geo Metro last year with what had to be a home-made tailpipe and muffler. The tip had to be at least 8 inches in diameter, and only 3 inches long. Let me put that in perspective – THE TAILPIPE WAS ALMOST AS BIG IN DIAMETER AS THE MUFFLER AND ONLY 3 INCHES LONG. Keep in mind that about half of the Geo Metros come with 3 cylinders – snowmobiles have bigger engines.

Anyways, back to the show I was watching. They were bragging about a Toyota Celica GT that could produce a (their words, not mine ) WHOPPING 165 horsepower. After adding a supercharger they got an increase of 85 horsepower for a grand total of (hold on to your seats) 250 HOURSEPOWER!#!#. Now, before I tell you what a great deal this is, let me tell you about all the other add-ons and mods and how it did at the track.

First off, it had a full wide-body kit, a brand new paint job (and this was a brand new car, btw), an adjustable wing on the back, a stiffer race suspension kit installed, a roll cage installed, and racing bucket seats installed in front while the rear seats were removed. The only work done to the engine and tranny was a supercharger on the engine. When the took it to the track, the Toyota got 14.8 seconds @ 92 miles per hour in the quarter mile. Yes, I laughed for about a half hour too, but I almost passed out after hearing how much this glorified economy car costed after all the mods. They paid just under $15,000 for the stock Toyota Celica, but after all the mods and additions had a grand total of $44,800 wrapped up into the car. Only one problem – IT’S STILL A FUCKING ECONOMY CAR! This gives you a slight idea of the stupidity involved with these assclowns. I wish I was making this shit up.

Here are a list of cars that they could’ve (should’ve) gotten for $44,800 or less that would be much more impressive and would’ve produced better results:
Stock 1990 Corvette ZR-1 :: 12.70 seconds @ 120 mph :: $31,500
Stock 1970 Chevelle SS :: 13.35 seconds @ 105 mph :: $13,900
Stock 200? Mustang Cobra :: 13.89 seconds @ 102 mph :: $27,490
Stock 1969 Mach 1 :: 13.99 seconds @ 102 mph :: $19,850
Stock 1967 Olds 442 :: 12.97 seconds @ 108 mph :: $24,200
Stock 1969 Camaro :: 13.30 seconds @ 108 mph :: $12,999

Now arguments are constantly made “Well Porches or Farraris can kick the shit out of your american V8 muscle cars!”. Well yeah, if you want to spend about $100,000+. Then of course there’s the “Well I’ll put NOS and a chip and (insert other shit here) and blow your doors off!”. Well, if you add all that to a V8, you’ll get much more output compared to a 4 cylinder. It’s all about common sense, and most rice-heads just don’t have it.

Before you get pissed off at me because you drive a car with less displacement than a 2 liter of Coke, has an engine commonly found in snowmobiles or motorcycles, when you step on the gas it only gets louder not faster, and sounds similar to a weed-whacker, please keep in mind that you’re the retard spending shitloads of cash on something that will never sell for anything near what you put into it.

Ahhhhhh….I feel better now. Thanks